Tag: love

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. X

“They say… we learn from mistakes,
That’s why they mistake me.”

I am a true example of a book,
that cannot be read by the cover.
First impressions mean more than you know,
but my first impressions are not what win me over.

It takes time,
Read the pages, the chapters, the lines,
Inhale them like the air you breath,
That is when I win over the minds.

My life consist of many hills,
I’ve climbed so much you’d think,
I would be in the best shape of my life.
But because of my journey,
I’ve been through situations,
That have scared me for life.

I become lonely and bored,
That, at times, I’m not sure why I’m alive,
Never had a suicide thought come to mind,
But my mind has had thoughts of suicide.

Stuck in this World…
No one can hear my screaming and shouting,
I have my fist banging on the wall,
But the noise doesn’t amount to nothing
To get the attention I’m trying to seek
The warnings I’m giving must be weak.

I need to become tough,
How’d I even become this way?
Mind is being challenged,
Can I get out of this place?

At times, I feel my BS is catching up to me,
Maybe I should just tell the truth,
Tell the people how I really am,
Tell the people how I really feel,

Make a blog that spills my guts.
In a World full of fear…,
Truth is what I’d rather live,
Than run from the fear.

Life IS as cracked up as it is to be,
Life full of smiles,
Is a life that will last for miles,
I don’t need to worry about filling up,
Cause when “life” runs out,
That’ll be my time to be called back “up”.

So while I’m still on this planet,
My goal is to not take it for granted…
I’m going to make each step amount,
Make each moment count…

Or what is the point in the first place…

 

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VIII

As much as I do feel like I stand alone… I do have some amazing people in my life.

My parents have been there for me throughout it all.  They have given me courage, wisdom, and support to keep my feet planted and to allow me to move forward with positive change in my life.

My brothers (and their ladies) have helped me see the truth.  They have taught me not to settle for just anyone.  They have helped me grow into a more understand person with how I should see myself, and for what type of person would be better for me than the ones I kept chasing after.

My best friend has been there for me for many many years.  Although, I know at times I haven’t been there for her, she continues to be a great person in my life.  One which I love dearly and will always be there for me no matter the situation.  I am grateful for her and her kindness.  I am grateful for her daughter, which has taught me how beautiful and loving children are.  I am grateful for her family that has never once judged me and has loved me for the person I am.

My other great friends… I am blessed to have you in my life.  You all have been there for me more than you know you have.  I love each and every one of you, and I hope our friendship continues to grow!

To all my Facebook and Twitter friends… Well… lol.

Again… I am blessed with many people that have walked into my life.  I love each and everyone of you, and I am grateful for what you have done to help me with my life.  I only hope that I can return the favor, as much, when you are in a difficult situation.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

The Truth Hurts… Or Does It?

Many people tell you that the truth can hurt… but how much does it really hurt compared to a non-truth/lie?

I have been lied to and I have lied many times throughout my young life.  For people to not mention or tell the truth, in a way, has almost become acceptable.  It seems, people would rather hear a very good lie than to hear the truth.  People, in fact, have become scared of the truth, for what it can do to their life, emotions, and appearance.  As I have grown, I have become more concerned about the effects of the lie being told over the effects of the truth being told.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”  ― Mark Twain

Mark Twain couldn’t have said it better.  When you mention a lie, you then have to remember how you said/told this lie.  In most cases, you also then have to make up more lies to go with the first lie.  Before you know it, you are up Shits Creek, without a paddle, and confused how you get in this predicament in the first place.

If one would live by the truth, one would have no worries.  Now… I’m not saying life will be fine and dandy.  Trust me, telling the truth won’t get you as far with a situation as telling a lie.  You lie to try to protect the truth, in hopes, that the lie will allow the current situation to be resolved and your relation with this person(s) will continue.  Lies will always begin to show their truths; however, and you will then be faced with more drama than the first round.

If you tell the truth upfront… one of two things will most likely happen: 1. The relation with this person will cease to exist. 2. The person, over time, will forgive you.  You will have a stronger relationship in the longer run, because of you telling the truth upfront.

We live in a world with lies and hatred all around us… and look where we are.  If we could replace each lie and hatred with love, happiness, and truth… our world will be a much better place…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VI

When I walk into a room full of people… I feel like I am alone.

I have always felt this way.  Maybe it is my sense of humor.  Maybe it is my lack of self-esteem.  Maybe it is just a fantasy, like a dream.  However you look at it, or really however I look at it… I feel alone.

This loneliness doesn’t stop.  Ever.  Unless I am at home by myself or with someone I am falling in love with, which in those cases I am happy.  Which then makes me wonder… is my loneliness really just the fear of being alone?  I am afraid of being single? I have asked myself this question a few times.  The more I think about it, the more I feel that it is not a fear of being single… it is the fear of not being loved.

I am a very emotional person for a guy.  A few consider this as a weakness.  A few consider this as being a ‘real man’.  A few think it is a good thing until they date me and realize that I act/behave more like a female (with my emotions) than what they are use to, then back away from me.  I have never understood why people would care if a man has feelings.  Aren’t we all taught to be truthful with ourselves and others around us?  If a man never shows their true feelings… isn’t that just living a stereotypical lifestyle? Some say showing emotion shows the man as a weak person, but I ask, how does showing my true feelings change how ‘strong’ I am?

If you know me well and have never seen me emotional… think of me at a bar or out at a dance club, have you ever noticed my eyes glazed over or staring of into the abyss.  I have done this many times.  More so in the past year than most of my life.

I stand alone in a crowded room because I feel no one can feel my pain.  I stand alone in a crowded room because I feel no one can see me in pain.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

 

What you learn…

With every event in my life, I have tried to take something out of it to apply to my life.  My last post talked about my past marriage.  I don’t publicly talk about that much.  It is a hard topic, as all divorces are… but I did learn many things from this…

For starters… my ex and I had many life values that ended up being different, and because of this, we clashed a lot.  I had a friend on Facebook that posted a question: Could you date someone that didn’t have the same religious views or political views as yours?  I answered by saying that it would never work for the long run.  Your religious views weigh heavy into your political views and vice versa…  What, if when you have kids, are you suppose to teach them.  Your religious views? Her religious views? If you have different values of life, all you can do is give your opinions to your child, and hope for the best.  But then again, isn’t that what taking your kids to church is to begin with?  Planting a seed in them to hope they can live as good or better life than your own.

It gets even more difficult when dealing with politics… If your wife believes in Pro-Choice, but you believe in Pro-Life… OR… you believe in the death penalty and your wife doesn’t… OR… even deeper, you don’t believe in Homosexual marriage, but your wife does… Don’t you start to see the problem.  It starts to get confusing.  The say opposites attract, but those opposites have to have some similarities in chemistry to still attract.

This was the first lesson that I learned in my 20’s.  Just because you are attracted to that person and just because you have good conversations… if your underlining life values clash, then it will never work.  From this ‘life experience’,  I have learned that if I do find love again, she’ll need to have many of the same life values as I do, or I know it will not work.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. II

Have you ever been truly in love???  I have been… once.

It all started about nine years and six months ago…

I worked as the GM Assistant Manager at a Marsh Supermarkets near Fox Road in the Geist area of Indianapolis, Indiana.  Her mom and her shopped there once a week.  I would always say “Hi” to them, and help them find things from time-to-time.  Her mother was a very wonderful person.  She always had a smile on her face, and I could tell she was a very loving woman.  Her daughter… was beautiful.  She had an amazing smile and a figure that would drive any man crazy at that age.  Age… that was the one thing that always concerned me.  I knew this daughter was younger than me, but it was really hard to tell how ‘much’ younger she really was.

A few weeks go by and I start to find friends of mine that also were friends with her.  I found out she was in HS, and that she was beginning to start her senior year. I was beginning to start my freshman year of college, so I felt relieved that she was not too much younger than I.  I also found out her name: Kristi.  Kristi… this name seemed to fit her very well.  She had amazing blue eyes, had a shy but interesting personality, and enjoyed going to after school activities (basketball and football games). The more I began to know about her, the more I started to have an interest in her.

A few weeks later, while I was at work, she stops in to get a salad.  She walked by me, smiled, and, at that moment, I knew I had to stop her and have a conversation with her.  The conversation went well.  We had a small chat that ended with me giving her my number.  I honestly didn’t expect her to call… I have always been good with talking to ladies, but getting calls from them was rare.  I got off of work that day around three or four pm, and within a few hours, my phone rang.  At that moment… I knew I found someone special.

Like every relationship… you have your ups and downs.  Mostly all the downs were because of my stupidity and selfishness, but somehow, she was still there by my side.  We went to college together, then moved in together, then I proposed to her one late evening in December of 2006.  We even set a date that same night on when we would wed.  We both wanted a Winter wedding day.  After some thinking late into this night, we decided on a December 27th, 2008 wedding date.  Everything was set.  The future looked promising.  I was in love with her and loved her.  She was, and still is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

No… this story doesn’t have a happy ending.  Not even three years later… we ended up giving up.  Less than a year after that, we ended up getting a divorce.  The reasons for us getting a divorce?  Well… I would say it was 50/50; however, I would have to say I was more at blame, so it was probably closer to 80/20.  We had issues.  We had some problems that we could not seem to get past.  I became a weak man, a weak husband, and even though I tried to stand tall… I crumbled.

Divorce has been very hard on me… I have tried to suck it up, go out with friends and family, and try to hide the truth of how much pain I was in.  I missed her, and I still do miss her.  Thoughts of other men dated her angered me.  Even though I’m the one that asked for the divorce, I felt she was still, very much, apart of me.  But she wasn’t… There was nothing I could do to win her heart back.  Our relationship was ruined because of actions that I took.  If only I was a stronger man… if only I had just listened to her problems/concerns… then maybe, maybe, we would still be together today.

To Be Continued…

-robert1ee

Love. Forever. More.

Life full of love…
Love filled within life,
I don’t have to think twice,
To ask you to be my wife.

Love is in the air…
Air is filled with love,
Take deep breaths,
Let it fill your lungs.

Shooting stars…
A flash of something bright,
We are all just reindeer,
Entranced by the light.

Make a wish…
And hope it comes true,
I’ll be forever by your side,
Forever, I’ll love you.