A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. XVII

Closing a chapter in your life is one of the hardest things to do…

chapters

 

I have walked many paths in my life.  I have seen more than I feel I should have.  I still dream of a “perfect life”, but I will settle for a life I see perfect.  There are many things in my life I am not proud of doing, however, even though I am not proud with some of my past, I still have to thank my past for the adventures I took.  If it wasn’t for my past, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.  Being able to take a step in the right direction, and to continue that step in the right directions, takes courage and strength.

Let It Go…

There is nothing more bothersome than thinking that you can save something, but to find out it’s way past dinner time.  Once you start this path, there is no going back.  You are closing this chapter.  You are never again going to focus on the subject, and if you do do-so, you will put yourself into a mental state of mind that is not healthy.

There is nothing that can prepare you for finally making that first step.  It’s like having a child… you can read all the books you’d like to; but until you have that experience, you won’t really understand how to handle it.  But handling it, you will.

Soul Searching…

Love thyself. Accept thyself. Forgive thyself. And be good to thyself.

Very important lesson I had to learn.  You can not accept a new beginning if you don’t first accept you in a new beginning.  I had to learn to accept my past, accept my failures, and forgive myself for the past that I had.  I had to learn to love myself and be true to myself. Only then… can you be ready for your new journey.

Let Happiness Find You…

The last thing I had to learn was harder for me than the rest… I needed to stop pushing for love.  I need to stop looking for that special someone.  I had to learn how to accept that fact that my love to myself was good enough until someone walked into my life that I could share that love with.  Searching only hurts the heart.  Only scars the soul.  Once I stopped searching for this… someone walked into my life that changed me forever.

Take Your Breath Away

 

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

 

Marriage happens…

“[Marriage] happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair of getting out.” *
― Michel de Montaigne

*I am not saying I will never find love again, but simply stating that, in light of facing a truth, being single has as many advantages as being married does.

My life, as it is today, is happy that I am not married… Why?  Well, because I enjoy flirting and meeting new people.  When you get into a relationship… it seems to start to cripple my strengths.  I am a people person.  Many people are not.  I enjoy flirting.  Many relationships see this as a sign of cheating.  So why would I tie myself down if I can be better off flying solo?

I won’t let love fly by without notice though.  If there so happens to be woman out there than can handle my personality and sense of humor, then I will be happy to look into the possibilities of being with said woman.  However, it seems to me that this is harder than one would think.  There are over 7 billion people on this planet… I am sure there is a woman out there that I am attracted to that is attracted to me and can handle me. lol

But until said woman walks into my life… I will continue to be me!

robert1ee

 

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VI

When I walk into a room full of people… I feel like I am alone.

I have always felt this way.  Maybe it is my sense of humor.  Maybe it is my lack of self-esteem.  Maybe it is just a fantasy, like a dream.  However you look at it, or really however I look at it… I feel alone.

This loneliness doesn’t stop.  Ever.  Unless I am at home by myself or with someone I am falling in love with, which in those cases I am happy.  Which then makes me wonder… is my loneliness really just the fear of being alone?  I am afraid of being single? I have asked myself this question a few times.  The more I think about it, the more I feel that it is not a fear of being single… it is the fear of not being loved.

I am a very emotional person for a guy.  A few consider this as a weakness.  A few consider this as being a ‘real man’.  A few think it is a good thing until they date me and realize that I act/behave more like a female (with my emotions) than what they are use to, then back away from me.  I have never understood why people would care if a man has feelings.  Aren’t we all taught to be truthful with ourselves and others around us?  If a man never shows their true feelings… isn’t that just living a stereotypical lifestyle? Some say showing emotion shows the man as a weak person, but I ask, how does showing my true feelings change how ‘strong’ I am?

If you know me well and have never seen me emotional… think of me at a bar or out at a dance club, have you ever noticed my eyes glazed over or staring of into the abyss.  I have done this many times.  More so in the past year than most of my life.

I stand alone in a crowded room because I feel no one can feel my pain.  I stand alone in a crowded room because I feel no one can see me in pain.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

 

The Question…

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There are many things in life that one just will never understand… Even with questions being asked, one may still feel overwhelmed to understand a certain something. I often get confused where to draw the line of friendship, particularly with females. I, honestly, get along with females better than males. I find myself able to easily carry a conversation with a female with ease. But… should I pursue anything more? Does she like me in away that she would want to be pursued? I catch myself thinking this… just because we talk, does it actually many anything more than friendship.

I know I over think… and I know I can be a worrier (thanks Mom for that trait); however, my questions make absolute sense to ask. I am a single (well almost…) male. I am a loving person. I enjoy and love myself. I have great friends. I have a very loving family. But I am missing that one thing that people do yearn for… a companion… a female that will be there for me and vise versa.

For now… I am enjoying what life throws at me. The friendships that have began again, and the new friends that have walked into my life. I also agree with the statement: “if its meant to be, it will happen”. And also: “Everyone has someone out there for them”.

So for now… I’m going to enjoy the single life… drink my vodka and wines… and if some lady just happens to come up to me and say: “hello”… I will be open to the idea of something that could be great.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic… Why is it hard to date? When does the line get drawn? When is it too late to finally ask someone out?

-The Other Point of View