It’s Amazing…
Tag: mental-health
The Devil Within…
How My Life Has Changed…
Almost six months ago it was the first of the year… I told myself, as the ball dropped, that this new year will be the follow-up to last years “being my year”. I told myself that it was time to seek hope. It was time to seek life. It was time to seek love.
As the year started… everything seemed like it was the same ol’ same ol’. I didn’t notice anything changing. I seemed to continue to walk the same path that I had for the past year. It seemed no matter how hard I actually tried, I couldn’t push myself into a new direction.
I was talking to someone online from time to time that I had hopes for, but I knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t lead to anything… story of my life. lol However, Valentine’s Day was coming and I thought to myself… Maybe she’ll want to be my date? I asked her and was shot down, but something else arose from my question… she asked me on a date the week before.
We ended up going out to a restaurant a few days after that conversation. We went one evening after I got off of work (Thursday night, Feb 7th) to Scotty’s Brewhouse. We had a great time. The dinner was fantastic. The conversation was fantastic. The mood was fantastic. It seemed like we both really enjoyed each other’s company.
Flash forward to today…
We have moved in together and have a love for each other that seems, hmmmm… almost as if we have known each other all of our lives. Maybe it was from a past life??? Maybe true love/soulmates really do exist. I really do not know how or why, but I do know that it feels like home. It feels like I have never been complete until she was introduced into my life.
My family loves spending time with her. She loves spending time with my family. A BIG DIFFERENCE from my past relationships, and this is something that is very important to me. I love spending time with her family, as well as they love spending time with me. Everyone has accepted our relationship and has approved of our relationship… not that we need the approval; however, it is nice when family stands behind you and supports your decision.
We both have started to workout… become more fit… Get active. However you would like to word it. I have seen a major change in my health. I have gone from 235+ lbs to 198 as of yesterday. My body is becoming more toned as I hit the weights hard and use Insanity as my cardio. My lady has seen her body tone up and become more stronger.
I am for sure that many more changes and surprises are still to come with this relationship. We have a chemistry that I have never experienced before, and it is an amazing feeling. I can’t wait to see what the future holds…
To Be Continued…
robert1ee
Life…
A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. XVII
Closing a chapter in your life is one of the hardest things to do…
I have walked many paths in my life. I have seen more than I feel I should have. I still dream of a “perfect life”, but I will settle for a life I see perfect. There are many things in my life I am not proud of doing, however, even though I am not proud with some of my past, I still have to thank my past for the adventures I took. If it wasn’t for my past, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. Being able to take a step in the right direction, and to continue that step in the right directions, takes courage and strength.
Let It Go…
There is nothing more bothersome than thinking that you can save something, but to find out it’s way past dinner time. Once you start this path, there is no going back. You are closing this chapter. You are never again going to focus on the subject, and if you do do-so, you will put yourself into a mental state of mind that is not healthy.
There is nothing that can prepare you for finally making that first step. It’s like having a child… you can read all the books you’d like to; but until you have that experience, you won’t really understand how to handle it. But handling it, you will.
Soul Searching…
Love thyself. Accept thyself. Forgive thyself. And be good to thyself.
Very important lesson I had to learn. You can not accept a new beginning if you don’t first accept you in a new beginning. I had to learn to accept my past, accept my failures, and forgive myself for the past that I had. I had to learn to love myself and be true to myself. Only then… can you be ready for your new journey.
Let Happiness Find You…
The last thing I had to learn was harder for me than the rest… I needed to stop pushing for love. I need to stop looking for that special someone. I had to learn how to accept that fact that my love to myself was good enough until someone walked into my life that I could share that love with. Searching only hurts the heart. Only scars the soul. Once I stopped searching for this… someone walked into my life that changed me forever.
To Be Continued…
robert1ee
Judgmental…
It still amazes me how some can think they know what’s best… but what amazes me more, is when they “think they know what’s best” is pushed upon you… “Be curious… not judgmental” -Walt Whitman
Goals for 2013…
I dedicated 2012 for a year to improve myself… and although I didn’t quite get everything accomplished that I wanted to in that year, I did accomplish many things. 2013 is going to be a continuation of finishing my goals and I have set new ones as well.
Goals for 2013:
- Family: I want to continue to grow closer to my family. I want to get to know my nephews/nieces better. I want to get closer with my younger brother. I want to be there for my other brothers and sister when they need me to. I love my parents, and I want to make sure they know how much I do, and how much I appreciate them.
- Friends: My true friends haven’t changed one bit over this past year. I love each and every one of them. I have come to know who my true friends are over this past year, and I am thankful for each and every one of you. Over this next year, I want to strengthen these relationships. I want to be there for them whenever they need a friend near, as I would hope they would be there for me.
- Job: I want to further my skills within my company to become an even better person. I want to be able to have the abilities to handle many of the task thrown my way, and I want to show my boss that I am capable of handling this position, without question. I also want to branch out into the entertainment industry and become a DJ. I am saving up for the equipment, which should be purchased by March, and I hope I can excel in this industry and make a name for myself.
- Blog: I am now running a few different sites. I want to improve my postings throughout this year. I post on here, my poetry blog, and my new DJ blog. You can find all my social media/blog information at robert1ee.com. I want to get a following by posting information or insightful thinking that my readers are interested in reading.
- Personal: I want to improve myself more by trying to be 100% honest with myself. I am not happy with my current weight, so I need to get back on a healthy workout plan to get myself back in shape. I have considered joining the ‘Body by V’ Challenge which I know a certain someone that would be very happy to get me on board with that challenge. I also want to improve my behavior skills. Looking over the 2012 year, I felt I was in a depressed state of mind for more of that year than what I really wanted to be. I need to get my mind set to stay positive. In order to stay positive I must change a few things: (1) Stay 100% with myself; (2) Don’t say yes to people when I’m saying ‘no’ to myself; (3) Become happy with my health; (4) Surround myself with people that will keep me in a better state of mind. But most of all… don’t lose myself. Who I am people love. People know Robert as the light of the party and as a fun guy to be around. I enjoy being that person, but to make myself love being that person, I must improve myself in the areas I mentioned above.
There are going to be changes in my life in 2013… And if you don’t believe me, just watch.
2012 was my year… 2013 will be the foundation for the rest of my life.
-robert1ee
A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. X
“They say… we learn from mistakes,
That’s why they mistake me.”
I am a true example of a book,
that cannot be read by the cover.
First impressions mean more than you know,
but my first impressions are not what win me over.
It takes time,
Read the pages, the chapters, the lines,
Inhale them like the air you breath,
That is when I win over the minds.
My life consist of many hills,
I’ve climbed so much you’d think,
I would be in the best shape of my life.
But because of my journey,
I’ve been through situations,
That have scared me for life.
I become lonely and bored,
That, at times, I’m not sure why I’m alive,
Never had a suicide thought come to mind,
But my mind has had thoughts of suicide.
Stuck in this World…
No one can hear my screaming and shouting,
I have my fist banging on the wall,
But the noise doesn’t amount to nothing
To get the attention I’m trying to seek
The warnings I’m giving must be weak.
I need to become tough,
How’d I even become this way?
Mind is being challenged,
Can I get out of this place?
At times, I feel my BS is catching up to me,
Maybe I should just tell the truth,
Tell the people how I really am,
Tell the people how I really feel,
Make a blog that spills my guts.
In a World full of fear…,
Truth is what I’d rather live,
Than run from the fear.
Life IS as cracked up as it is to be,
Life full of smiles,
Is a life that will last for miles,
I don’t need to worry about filling up,
Cause when “life” runs out,
That’ll be my time to be called back “up”.
So while I’m still on this planet,
My goal is to not take it for granted…
I’m going to make each step amount,
Make each moment count…
Or what is the point in the first place…
To Be Continued…
robert1ee
A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VII
This topic gets a bit deeper into my bodies physics; however, I feel that it is a great subject to continue my “A Glimpse Into My Life…” series…
The continued blog is a very personal issue… and for me to talk openly about this issue, is something I have become comfortable with. I hope to educate some people that may not know about this condition, or may have this condition but didn’t know what it was/is…
A medical condition where a man can not ejaculate (finish) during sexual intercourse is called Delayed Ejaculation. This condition exist in many men throughout the World. Some are born with it, some acquire it over time… but the issues can become a serious breaking point in many relationships.
Symptoms of said condition:
- Takes longer than 30 minutes to “climax”.
- You cannot “climax” during sexual intercourse.
- Can “climax” only when masturbating or sometimes oral.
Delayed orgasm is divided into the following types based on symptoms:
- Lifelong vs. acquired. With lifelong delayed ejaculation, the problem is present from the time a male reaches sexual maturity. Acquired delayed ejaculation occurs after a period of normal sexual functioning.
- Generalized vs. situational. Generalized delayed ejaculation isn’t limited to certain sex partners or certain kinds of stimulation. Situational delayed ejaculation occurs only under certain circumstances.
Causes to How This Can Happen…
Physical Causes
- Birth defects
- Spinal injury
- Heart surgery
Psychological Causes
- Depression
- Stress
- Anxiety about performance
Medications and Other Causes:
- Antidepressants
- High Blood Pressure Meds
- Alcohol (too much of it in your system)
- Drugs (illegal)
Every since 9th grade… I have experienced this. It has its blessing, and it has its problems. For starters… I can’t accidently get a lady pregnant. I can “perform” for hours without needing breaks except to catch our breaths. However, because many ladies are insecure, they start to assume it is their “performance” that is terrible. And because of this terrible “performance”, I have relationships end thinking that they couldn’t satisfy me.
Truth be told… I have always been satisfied/satisfying, this has never been a problem. It is hard to tell a lady; however, that this doesn’t result from their “lack of experience” that they believe, that it is actually a personal issue/condition that I have.
I have learned to live with my condition, and even joke about it from time to time to close friends and/or relationships I have had. However, when asked if I’ll be having kids anytime soon… that is when I usually get serious and say “doubtful”. Most don’t know, including my parents, that I have had this condition for such a long time; however, I do hope this will answer some of their questions on why my ex-wife and I never did have children.
Will I ever have children? I do hope so. I love kids. I would love to have the responsibilities that come with them. I would love to be a father, a daddy. Because of my condition, most likely I’ll have to go through special measures to have one; however, if the partner is right and we have the right chemistry, then you never know…
To Be Continued…
-robert1ee
The Truth Hurts… Or Does It?
Many people tell you that the truth can hurt… but how much does it really hurt compared to a non-truth/lie?
I have been lied to and I have lied many times throughout my young life. For people to not mention or tell the truth, in a way, has almost become acceptable. It seems, people would rather hear a very good lie than to hear the truth. People, in fact, have become scared of the truth, for what it can do to their life, emotions, and appearance. As I have grown, I have become more concerned about the effects of the lie being told over the effects of the truth being told.
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” ― Mark Twain
Mark Twain couldn’t have said it better. When you mention a lie, you then have to remember how you said/told this lie. In most cases, you also then have to make up more lies to go with the first lie. Before you know it, you are up Shits Creek, without a paddle, and confused how you get in this predicament in the first place.
If one would live by the truth, one would have no worries. Now… I’m not saying life will be fine and dandy. Trust me, telling the truth won’t get you as far with a situation as telling a lie. You lie to try to protect the truth, in hopes, that the lie will allow the current situation to be resolved and your relation with this person(s) will continue. Lies will always begin to show their truths; however, and you will then be faced with more drama than the first round.
If you tell the truth upfront… one of two things will most likely happen: 1. The relation with this person will cease to exist. 2. The person, over time, will forgive you. You will have a stronger relationship in the longer run, because of you telling the truth upfront.
We live in a world with lies and hatred all around us… and look where we are. If we could replace each lie and hatred with love, happiness, and truth… our world will be a much better place…
robert1ee