A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. XIV

Today… is my birthday.  Today… marks 30 years that I have walked this planet.  Today… I would like to share my last 30 years with you…

Enjoy!

My time line from Jan 12, 1983 til Jan 12, 2013.  30 years in the making!

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. XIII

chivalry

Men are suppose to be stronge.  Men are suppose to be brave.  Men aren’t suppose to cry. Men aren’t suppose to be needy.  Men aren’t suppose to… Men are suppose to…

Blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhh…

What makes a man a man?  At what point does another man or woman get to call out a man for his unmanliness?  I have been through this time and time again… and I’m over here thinking, am I really that different?

Unlike ‘real’ men… which, in my opinion, aren’t ‘real men’, I do cry.  You catch me watching a chick flick and you may catch me having watered eyes.  I am needy.  What grown man doesn’t want a lady there for them.  What grown man doesn’t want a strong woman by their side?  And by strong… I don’t mean can change the lightbulb… I mean, can be there to support you and lift you up when things aren’t going your way. Who wouldn’t want that?

I have had many people tell me that I get too serious too quickly… I can’t help that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I can’t help that I try to fully trust a lady with my heart every time.  I do fall for someone quickly.  I do set my mind on someone I am in interest in, and I do try to learn everything about that someone.  I joke about it… but I call it ‘studying’.  Woman love a man that can remember things they have mentioned… or at least I thought they did.

I see so many woman that complain about their man, or a man, never listening to them.  ‘It goes through one ear and out the other’ with these men these women talk about.  Well… guess what… I am a listener.  I am also a note taker.  You tell me something you don’t like or do like… you can believe I try my hardest to pay attention to that so I can try to impress you at a later time.

I am romantic.  I am a gentleman.  I still believe in opening the door for a lady.  I still believe in paying the tab.  When dropping a lady off at their place, I stay until I see them fully enter their house and turn on a light.  I remember when birthdays are.  I remember when we first met.  Where we first met.  I know these things are important to you, so I make the effort to show you how important they are to me too.

If this isn’t signs of being a ‘real’ man… than maybe the ‘real’ woman doesn’t exist anymore… something to think about.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. XII

Christmas Traditions…

For years I have always spent the night at my fathers house on Christmas Eve.  We (my father, my brother, and I) would wake up Christmas morning to breakfast and presents.  Breakfast was always cinnamon rolls accompanied with a Roselyn Bakery’s Alligator Cake.  We would place a candle on this Alligator Cake and sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Jesus.  We would then start to open presents and enjoyed the time spent with each other.

After some time, I would leave to head over to my mother’s family Christmas gathering.  We would sit around and tell stories about different events in our lives.  Eat a wonderful lunch prepared by my grandmother, aunts, and mother.  We would then open gifts and enjoy spending some more time with each other.

Over the years my Christmas day evening would change.  First it was just hanging out and enjoying the evening with my inner family.  Later it became the tradition to head over to my mothers house to spend time with my brothers, their significant others and their children, and open gift there. We would enjoy a good dinner made by my mother.  Later, when I was married, this changed to heading down to Florence, Kentucky to spend time with my wife’s family and enjoy presents and dinner there.

Today is much more eventful.  I know spend the Christmas Eve evening with my second Mom’s (step-mother) family.  We enjoy a nice evening with dinner and gift exchanges.  I then go back into the tradition of spending the night at my fathers house with the same opening of presents and having breakfast as usual, however; this time it’s my father, step-mother, brother, and me (and sometimes my sister, brother-in-law, and their children). I then do the rest of the day like my normal tradition.  My evenings are usually relaxing at my house or a family members house enjoying conversation/movies.

What traditions do you have?  Where do you usually travel to on Christmas day?

To be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. XI

The fight that I’ll never forget…

We lived in an apartment complex called Lake Castleton Apartments.  There was a basketball court across the street from where our apartment was.  Every Saturday, weather permitting, many of the neighborhood kids would be on the courts.  The courts consist of one basketball court and two tennis courts. Of course… all the kids would be there because of the basketball court.

My parents were divorced by this time, and my mother had been remarried.  My step-father had three sons, and we all loved the game of basketball.  We would collect cards of teams and trade cards.  We would go to basketball games, and we all participated in boys basketball programs in our community.

On this Saturday, it was my step-fathers weekend to have his sons.  We woke up early to watch cartoons like every young kid does.  We ate our breakfast and possibly played some video games.  We then put on your basketball clothes and went to the courts.  We enjoyed playing two-on-two, three-on-three, or full court games. There was always a game going on.  You would practice and warm-up over near the tennis courts, or if it was a full court game, you would take some quick shots when they game was on the other side of the court.

During this Saturday, my brothers and I played a three-on-three game.  It was my brother, some random kid, and me on one team, and then it was my other brother, some random kid, and Jim (I can’t remember his real name, but Jim and I never had a great friendship. In fact, he hated me so much that he would constantly try to fight me.) on the other team.

For some odd reason, Jim was acting very cool with me.  Almost, as if, he finally wanted to be friends. We were defending each other during the games, and we both showed each other up from time to time.  There is a mystery about sports that does bond a friendship between men.  You can hate each other one minute, then play some basketball/football, and find yourself calling them ‘buddy’ the next.

I go to check the ball at the start of the third game.  His team won the first game of 21.  My team won the second game, so this was the tie-breaker game.  I went to check him the ball, and he grabbed it and started to taunt me.  I thought he was playing at first, then he threw the ball extremely hard at me.  I figured he was just really getting into the last game.  We played and my team scored.  I went back up-top to check him the ball again.  He did the same thing but added “asshole” afterwords and came charging up to me when I grabbed the ball.  Of course he was fouling me, but I usually didn’t call the sissy fouls.  No blood, No Foul… was the courts rules.  Although, it never ended up getting THAT rough until this Saturday.

We scored and the game was 18-10.  We had this game, and we had this series.  That is when things turned for the worse.  When I went to check the ball, this time he threw it at my head.  Everyone started watching.  I grabbed the ball, and checked it to him again (telling him that is not they way we check it), and this time he threw it hard towards my face.  At this point he started to taunt me again, however; this time the taunting was deeper.  To taunt him back, I politely checked him the ball again.  Again, he tried throwing it at my face.  I then grabbed the ball and pretended to quickly pass the ball to my teammate in the middle of the paint.  Jim turned, quickly, to try to stop the ball, but before his conscience could even recognized that I faked the pass, a ball went flying into the side of his face at full force.

He turned around, an anger expression on his face, and started to talk trash again.  I dropped the ball and started heading towards the gate.  I got about twenty feet from the gate, when I heard someone scream to me: “Watch Out!”.  I turned around and saw Jim heading full-speed towards me.  I ran towards the gate, grabbed the gate, and swung it full-force right into him.

I then fall.  Tripped over a big rock right outside the courts.  Almost blacked out.  I didn’t know what I fell over at first.  I laid there trying to regain my strength and thoughts, but then my reality came back quickly.  He climbed on top of me… swinging his fist at my face and chest.  By this time, my brothers had already ran past me to go get help.  Before I knew it, someone grabbed Jim off of me and had him pinned against the fence to the courts.  It was my Step-father.  My brothers had freaked out and ran to get his help.  I was grateful of that.

Jim was messed up, and that is putting it lightly.  He had to get 22 stitches.  He was cut from his eyebrows, to his nose, to his check, to his lips, and finally down to his chin.  The gate fence had that barbwire twist to it.  With me slamming his face into it… those all cut into his skin and tore him up pretty good.

His mother tried to press charges on me… but after the police did some investigation, they concluded that it was her son that started everything and taunted me.  Jim and his mother ended up moving before the start of the next school year, and I have never heard/seen from him again.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. X

“They say… we learn from mistakes,
That’s why they mistake me.”

I am a true example of a book,
that cannot be read by the cover.
First impressions mean more than you know,
but my first impressions are not what win me over.

It takes time,
Read the pages, the chapters, the lines,
Inhale them like the air you breath,
That is when I win over the minds.

My life consist of many hills,
I’ve climbed so much you’d think,
I would be in the best shape of my life.
But because of my journey,
I’ve been through situations,
That have scared me for life.

I become lonely and bored,
That, at times, I’m not sure why I’m alive,
Never had a suicide thought come to mind,
But my mind has had thoughts of suicide.

Stuck in this World…
No one can hear my screaming and shouting,
I have my fist banging on the wall,
But the noise doesn’t amount to nothing
To get the attention I’m trying to seek
The warnings I’m giving must be weak.

I need to become tough,
How’d I even become this way?
Mind is being challenged,
Can I get out of this place?

At times, I feel my BS is catching up to me,
Maybe I should just tell the truth,
Tell the people how I really am,
Tell the people how I really feel,

Make a blog that spills my guts.
In a World full of fear…,
Truth is what I’d rather live,
Than run from the fear.

Life IS as cracked up as it is to be,
Life full of smiles,
Is a life that will last for miles,
I don’t need to worry about filling up,
Cause when “life” runs out,
That’ll be my time to be called back “up”.

So while I’m still on this planet,
My goal is to not take it for granted…
I’m going to make each step amount,
Make each moment count…

Or what is the point in the first place…

 

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. IX

“An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty, an opportunist picks up the glass and drinks the contents while the other two argue over it.”

I have always felt I was the opportunist.  Every situation that I have ran into, I have always found the best route/advantage to try to handle the problem.  For starters… I’m a great bullshiter.  I have been able to talk myself out of many situations.  Being a great BS’er has its own problems, but we’ll get to that a different time.

When I asked for my divorce… I already had a plan set that would put me in the best possible position to be able to ask for it.  When I quit my job at Marsh Supermarkets, I already had a plan unfolding for income that would help me til I found another job.

Now… I’m not saying this doesn’t always come back and bite me in the ass.  Life is full of failures… but those failures have made my life.  Failures shouldn’t be looked at as a negative event in your life… but rather as a positive look.  Because of those failures in life, you are where you are at today… and that, alone, is a blessing.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VIII

As much as I do feel like I stand alone… I do have some amazing people in my life.

My parents have been there for me throughout it all.  They have given me courage, wisdom, and support to keep my feet planted and to allow me to move forward with positive change in my life.

My brothers (and their ladies) have helped me see the truth.  They have taught me not to settle for just anyone.  They have helped me grow into a more understand person with how I should see myself, and for what type of person would be better for me than the ones I kept chasing after.

My best friend has been there for me for many many years.  Although, I know at times I haven’t been there for her, she continues to be a great person in my life.  One which I love dearly and will always be there for me no matter the situation.  I am grateful for her and her kindness.  I am grateful for her daughter, which has taught me how beautiful and loving children are.  I am grateful for her family that has never once judged me and has loved me for the person I am.

My other great friends… I am blessed to have you in my life.  You all have been there for me more than you know you have.  I love each and every one of you, and I hope our friendship continues to grow!

To all my Facebook and Twitter friends… Well… lol.

Again… I am blessed with many people that have walked into my life.  I love each and everyone of you, and I am grateful for what you have done to help me with my life.  I only hope that I can return the favor, as much, when you are in a difficult situation.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VII

This topic gets a bit deeper into my bodies physics; however, I feel that it is a great subject to continue my “A Glimpse Into My Life…” series…

The continued blog is a very personal issue… and for me to talk openly about this issue, is something I have become comfortable with.  I hope to educate some people that may not know about this condition, or may have this condition but didn’t know what it was/is…

A medical condition where a man can not ejaculate (finish) during sexual intercourse is called Delayed Ejaculation.  This condition exist in many men throughout the World.  Some are born with it, some acquire it over time… but the issues can become a serious breaking point in many relationships.

Symptoms of said condition:

  1. Takes longer than 30 minutes to “climax”.
  2. You cannot “climax” during sexual intercourse.
  3. Can “climax” only when masturbating or sometimes oral.

Delayed orgasm is divided into the following types based on symptoms:

  • Lifelong vs. acquired. With lifelong delayed ejaculation, the problem is present from the time a male reaches sexual maturity. Acquired delayed ejaculation occurs after a period of normal sexual functioning.
  • Generalized vs. situational. Generalized delayed ejaculation isn’t limited to certain sex partners or certain kinds of stimulation. Situational delayed ejaculation occurs only under certain circumstances.

Causes to How This Can Happen…

Physical Causes

  1. Birth defects
  2. Spinal injury
  3. Heart surgery

Psychological Causes

  1. Depression
  2. Stress
  3. Anxiety about performance

Medications and Other Causes:

  1. Antidepressants
  2. High Blood Pressure Meds
  3. Alcohol (too much of it in your system)
  4. Drugs (illegal)

Every since 9th grade… I have experienced this.  It has its blessing, and it has its problems.  For starters… I can’t accidently get a lady pregnant. I can “perform” for hours without needing breaks except to catch our breaths. However, because many ladies are insecure, they start to assume it is their “performance” that is terrible.  And because of this terrible “performance”, I have relationships end thinking that they couldn’t satisfy me.

Truth be told… I have always been satisfied/satisfying, this has never been a problem.  It is hard to tell a lady; however, that this doesn’t result from their “lack of experience” that they believe, that it is actually a personal issue/condition that I have.

I have learned to live with my condition, and even joke about it from time to time to close friends and/or relationships I have had.  However, when asked if I’ll be having kids anytime soon… that is when I usually get serious and say “doubtful”.  Most don’t know, including my parents, that I have had this condition for such a long time; however, I do hope this will answer some of their questions on why my ex-wife and I never did have children.

Will I ever have children? I do hope so.  I love kids.  I would love to have the responsibilities that come with them.  I would love to be a father, a daddy.  Because of my condition, most likely I’ll have to go through special measures to have one; however, if the partner is right and we have the right chemistry, then you never know…

To Be Continued…

-robert1ee

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. VI

When I walk into a room full of people… I feel like I am alone.

I have always felt this way.  Maybe it is my sense of humor.  Maybe it is my lack of self-esteem.  Maybe it is just a fantasy, like a dream.  However you look at it, or really however I look at it… I feel alone.

This loneliness doesn’t stop.  Ever.  Unless I am at home by myself or with someone I am falling in love with, which in those cases I am happy.  Which then makes me wonder… is my loneliness really just the fear of being alone?  I am afraid of being single? I have asked myself this question a few times.  The more I think about it, the more I feel that it is not a fear of being single… it is the fear of not being loved.

I am a very emotional person for a guy.  A few consider this as a weakness.  A few consider this as being a ‘real man’.  A few think it is a good thing until they date me and realize that I act/behave more like a female (with my emotions) than what they are use to, then back away from me.  I have never understood why people would care if a man has feelings.  Aren’t we all taught to be truthful with ourselves and others around us?  If a man never shows their true feelings… isn’t that just living a stereotypical lifestyle? Some say showing emotion shows the man as a weak person, but I ask, how does showing my true feelings change how ‘strong’ I am?

If you know me well and have never seen me emotional… think of me at a bar or out at a dance club, have you ever noticed my eyes glazed over or staring of into the abyss.  I have done this many times.  More so in the past year than most of my life.

I stand alone in a crowded room because I feel no one can feel my pain.  I stand alone in a crowded room because I feel no one can see me in pain.

To Be Continued…

robert1ee

 

A Glimpse Into My Life… Pt. V

 

Is it a coward to walk away… or does it show strength in knowing what to walk away from?

All my life I have tried to live by the philosophy that if someone is wanting to fight you, then they are a weak minded individual that needs this victory in their life to help them move forward without feeling weak.

I have not been in many fights in my life.  Most fights that did happen, usually involved the other person to continue to press my buttons to the point that I finally gave them the attention they were seeking.  I have always felt that if one were to walk away from the physical interaction that was taking, or about to take, place, then that person was the stronger individual.

I remember a boy in Middle School that wanted to fight every boy in our Middle School before our eighth grade year was completed.  It was about two months before the end of the school year, and he decided it was my turn to challenge.  I remember a few peers approaching me letting me know that he mentioned my name and that, right after the lunch hour, he was going to pick a fight with me.

I remember it all to well… a group of peers approached me right after lunch warning me that he was looking for me.  Then, walking out from the lunch area was the boy, and he started to head straight towards me.  He immediately pushes me and starts to intimidate me.  Calling me names and trying to get closer to me.  He takes one swing at me and hits me right in the jaw.  I immediately swung very fast and hard towards the side of this boys rib cage.  I hit him as hard as he hit me. Both of us looked at each other, almost as if, we both had wished this wasn’t about to go down, because it was going to be a mean fight. What stopped us… what saved me… was a teacher that ran out to see what the commotion was all about.  I walked off into the gym area and he went up the stairs back to the main floor of the school.

We saw each other from time to time from that day forward, but he never tried to do anything, instead, he spread the rumor around that he beat me up but I was saved by a teacher.  Instead of arguing with this rumor… i just didn’t care about it.  Figured… why take away from this boys fantasy of wanting to beat everyone up.  lol

I learned a lot from this day… I learned that your closes friends will warn you about what’s about to happen to you, but you still have to face your own battles alone when its a one on one situation.  I also learned… that no matter what happens… you have to be the stronger person, even if it is your mistake, to make the situation better.

I am definitely more a “peacekeeper” than a “warrior”.  I love everyone and I try to go out into this World wishing everyone would do the same.

-robert1ee